Tag: Comedy

After the playoffs were over and Lebron left for Los Angeles everyone began creating this narrative that the Celtics and Sixers are the only 2 teams in the East. Everyone is excited about the renewed Sixers-Celtics rivalry, including me. Both teams have young stars poised to dominate this league, both teams have good coaches, and both teams have rabid fanbases. It should be fun whenever we play, but the Sixers are getting ahead of themselves.

Yes Ben, you do need to get past the Celtics. You also need to get past the Raptors and the Bucks. There was a lot of hullabaloo about the Raptors getting swept by the Cavs, which I get, but the Sixers didn’t do much better and caught significantly less flak from the general public. The Raptors got swept by the 2nd best player ever, the Sixers lost in 5 games to a team missing their 2 best players. Now the Raptors traded in DeRozan and Poeltl for Kawhi and Danny Green. Who did the Sixers get? Wilson Chandler and Mike Muscala. It was an underwhelming offseason for the Sixers who were supposed to be in contention for all the stars hitting the market. In my eyes the Sixers definitely aren’t better than the Raptors if Kawhi is back to being Kawhi.

Now as far as comparing the Sixers and Bucks goes I am much more optimistic about the Bucks than most people. I don’t think it’s without reason though. The real acquisition that matters for the Bucks was the hiring of Mike Budenholzer. He took the Hawks to a 1 seed and 60 wins in a conference that contains Lebron James. That team relied on Jeff Teague and Kyle Korver as some of its main guys. He did have Millsap and Horford, but now he has Giannis and Middleton. Sometimes I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking about Khris Middleton wopping threes in Celtics’ players faces. He is a god damn killer and maybe the most underrated player in the league. Bud now gets to work with that, Brogdon, Bledsoe, and oh yeah Giannis. That is an extremely talented core that should have done more in the East last year. The reason they didn’t do more was their coaching. Jason Kidd and Joe Prunty were extremely incompetent and made bonehead move after bonehead move. They are getting replaced by one of the better coaches in Budenholzer. I have faith in him to put Giannis and this team in a position to succeed. They have the right players to be very good on defense and now they have a coach whose specialty is offense and should get things clicking on that end. I know I just got on the Sixers for only making minor moves but that’s because they were supposed to make bigger moves. The Bucks have made some minor moves that should really help their depth. They already have their top 5 guy in Giannis, they just needed to build around him and that’s what they did. They signed Brook Lopez and Ilyasova to help space the floor and they also got some good, young 2-way players in DiVincenzo and Pat Connaughton. The DiVincenzo pick was a tad high in my opinion but he should still be a good depth add along with Connaughton. This is shaping up to be a solid group of guys that Bud can work with and take to the top of this Eastern Conference. I expect a big leap from them and for Giannis to win MVP.

Listen I know Sixers fans will get up in arms about this. Believe it or not I actually like your team despite the fanbase being a bunch of mouth-breathers, but there are just some really good teams at the top of the East. I am still concerned about the Sixers’ injury issues. Simmons seems pretty durable after the initial injury but you never know. I was as high on Fultz as anyone but he is still a massive question mark. And then obviously we have Embiid who is unfortunately always a moment away from a bad injury. I’m not rooting for these guys to get hurt but you have to acknowledge the risk there. It’s the thing that makes the Sixers’ range so wide. Things could end up going to shit or they could be really good and I could be wrong. But there are just too many things I listed above that make me weary of calling them second fiddle.

I was going to wait to write this until September or October but I am slowly losing my mind during this offseason and I don’t need to see the preseason to make this prediction. I have been following every shred of Celtics news on social media this summer and the more I see the more excited I become about this team. They just have this certain glow around them that can only be described as special. They feel like the Boston Celtics again. They feel like the best franchise in the league that is poised to stay at the top for a while. They feel like those 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s Celtics teams that would follow up a great season by making a big acquisition to keep them propelling towards the top. They feel like a championship team. I say all of this because I truly believe the Boston Celtics are your 2019 NBA Champions. I’m not saying this for clicks or to be a contrarian or to be the “I told you so guy” (well maybe), I’m saying this because I truly believe it. Having watched every minute of this Celtics rebuild I have been waiting to write this article. I thought about it last year but I reconsidered and came to the conclusion that it was a year too early. I turned out to be right because our big free agent signing and second-best player snapped his leg in a stomach-churning fluke injury, but that’s beside the point. This is it, this is our year and below I will give you a few reasons why.

Starting 5

No one in the league has a better starting 5 and yes I’m including the Warriors. Obviously the Warriors are the crème de la crème of the NBA there is no denying it, but I actually think our starting 5 is more well-rounded. Is Steph better than Kyrie? Yes, but Kyrie has won that matchup nearly every time they played. Kyrie is a better defender when it matters in my opinion (even though I think Steph’s defense gets picked on too much). Steph is generally considered better than Kyrie but Kyrie is the one proving it when the games are important so I’m taking Kyrie in that matchup.

Now obviously the Warriors signing Boogie Cousins makes everyone think “oh well there goes the season” but I think that is extremely shortsighted. Boogie is coming off an Achilles injury that is probably the worst injury you can have as an NBA player short of stepping on a landmine. No one of his size and caliber has suffered this injury before. We really have no clue what he will look like. He’s a big dude and that’s not great when you suffer an Achilles injury. Kobe wasn’t the same after his although he was older. All I’m saying is there is a reason teams were wary of signing him to a big deal. He shouldn’t come back before the All-Star break and when he does he might be rusty and not the same player. Boogie was already slow on defensive rotations pre-injury, now with this injury he is going to be even worse in that area. The person who we have to match up with Boogie right now is Al Horford and for this season and this season alone I will take Horford in that matchup. Horford has played incredible ball these past 2 years. He is the glue that holds this team together. He is a better passer and defender than Boogie and frankly that’s all the Celtics really need from him along with his incredible spacing. Boogie is a talented scorer and will make the Warriors dangerous as hell if he is close to his pre-injury level of play, but Horford is better at what both teams need from these guys.

Where the Warriors have the advantage in the starting 5 is Klay and Durant versus Jaylen and Hayward. Durant is clearly better than Hayward and everyone on the planet besides me would take Klay over Jaylen. I don’t think the discrepancy in these matchups is as big as others think though. Hayward is the perfect team player to plug into a contender. He is arguably the best passer on the team, shoots around 40% from 3, and plays great defense. He is also another guy on this team that can create their own shot which is something we really struggled with at times last year. The year before his injury he got robbed of an All-NBA team selection. He is really freaking good and people are going remember once he sets foot on the court for a game again. I repeat, he clearly is not as good as Durant but that’s ok because we have advantages in other matchups and he isn’t that far off. Now as far as Jaylen versus Klay I personally think it’s pretty even. Klay is probably better if I take off my green goggles but I will never speak ill of Jaylen Brown on Al Gore’s internet. Klay is a better shooter and probably a slightly better defender. That’s ok though because they are both tertiary options on offense and both shoot good splits while playing great defense. To sum this section up the Warriors win these matchups, but we have seen Durant choke in the playoffs and we have seen Klay go cold in the playoffs as well. The discrepancy in these matchups is just small enough for us to make up for it.

Now Draymond versus Tatum is a weird matchup to evaluate. They technically play the same position but they do much different things. Draymond is their glue guy who holds down the defense and helps facilitate at times. Tatum is another two-way wing for us who we can rely on to shoot well and create his own shot at times. Tatum is better on defense than everyone expected but obviously he isn’t even close to Draymond. However, from what we have seen from Tatum’s rookie year and workouts this summer Draymond isn’t even close to Tatum on offense. Their strengths are complete opposites but Tatum is younger and has a lot more potential. I would take Tatum but to provide a veil of objectivity I will say this matchup is a wash.

Bench

This is where the Celtics have the biggest advantage against any team, including the Warriors. Their bench this year is shaping up to be incredible considering it is comprised of guys that helped lead us to a 7 game series in the conference finals against the second best basketball player ever (Cedi Osman). Led by Terry Rozier and Marcus Smart there is no other way to describe this bench other than erotic (shoutout to the Riffsman @hebertofriffs).

We made some sneaky good additions to the bench mob this year by drafting lottery talent Robert Williams and signing overseas player and former Pitt star Brad Wanamaker. Williams is a prospect with tremendous upside that could provide something this team has never really had: a rim runner/rim protector. He really should have gone in the lottery but fell due to questions about his medical records. Williams has a lot of potential but even if he doesn’t pan out it really won’t affect us, that is the benefit of selecting a lottery talent at 27. Brad Wanamaker on the other hand should be a known quantity for us. He impressed a lot of NBA GMs with his euro league play and it showed due to the interest he garnered from a lot of teams. After watching some of his tape I couldn’t believe he never found his way onto an NBA roster. He is a skilled ball handler, passer, shooter, and appears to be decent on defense. How much he plays for the Celtics this year is unknown but from what we saw last year it is always great to have depth and he is for sure an upgrade over Larkin and Nader.

Those are just the new additions too. We have Daniel Theis returning from injury and people forget he is better than Baynes. I love All Of Australia but Theis is more versatile and fits what we do better whereas Baynes is more of a specialist who plays against bigger lineups. There is still a need for both though seeing as how Baynes was a huge help against the Sixers. Then we get to Semi Ojeleye whose combat muscles will put you in a coma. Semi sort of flew in under most people’s radar last year despite being an elite defender as a rookie. His defensive possessions on Giannis in the playoffs made me swoon and if he continues to improve his shot and offensive consistency he could be a valuable piece of our core for years to come. We also are bringing back Jabari Bird who looked like a man amongst boys during summer league and showed some serious potential while helping a depleted Celtics team last year.

Finally we get to the part of the lineup that puts the mob in bench mob. Marcus Smart, Terry Rozier, and Marcus Morris is the best bench trio in the league and it’s not even close. Terry and Morris give you scoring ability while playing good defense and Smart gives you elite defense while still being a solid passer and playmaker on offense. They are also ready to throw hands at a moment’s notice, specifically Morris. If you don’t believe me just ask the Kansas football team, but I digress. Marcus Smart is really the person here who sticks out to me because he really should be a starter for another team but instead he has willingly accepted his role as super sixth man. When Marcus Smart comes into the game he is like a shot of adrenaline that instantly gives life to the team. There is a reason he gets a lot of burn in crunch time despite his poor shooting and it’s because he makes winning plays. Him, Rozier, and Morris will comprise the 8 -man rotation we see in the playoffs. Semi, Theis, and Baynes will see some run too but in specific situations.

Oh yeah one last thing on the bench. I’d be doing a disservice to anyone reading this by not mentioning our beautiful thicc boy Guerschon Yabusele. He may only see time in blowouts this year but god damn he is so lovable. It is very clear the guys on the team love him a lot and I genuinely think his mere presence on the bench makes us better. Sometimes the media overhypes good locker room guys but they can actually have an impact on a team’s chemistry and I think Yabu does just that.

Versatility

Over these last 4 or 5 years we have seen the NBA change drastically. Gone are the days of having a traditional power forward and center, pounding it in the post, and settling for mid-range jumpers instead of 3’s. Today’s NBA is all about versatility and I think the Celtics are the most versatile team in the NBA. The Warriors’ pace and space style of play has forced teams to adapt, including the Celtics. Except the Celtics haven’t just adapted, they evolved to the next step on the evolutionary scale. The Warriors started the style of versatility but the Celtics have perfected it. The Warriors still have weak links in terms of versatility (Steph, Boogie, bench guys), but the Celtics are versatile from top to bottom aside from Kyrie. In today’s NBA you have to be able to switch and guard multiple positions and this Celtics roster is filled with guys who can do that. Jaylen and Hayward are both very good defenders that can guard positions 2-4. Tatum is also a versatile defender that can guard 3’s and 4’s. Horford is arguably the most versatile of them all and it’s why he got DPOY votes. He did an incredible job on defense in the playoffs switching off Embiid to guard that coward Ben Simmons. It’s his anchoring of the defense that made this the best defensive team in the league last year. Then we have Smart coming off the bench who literally guards every position. He regularly gets switched onto elite 4’s and 5’s and still shuts them down when they try to post him up. He is a defensive swiss army knife that we can sic on anyone at any time so long as he doesn’t put his hand through an Edvard Munch painting. Semi is another amazing defender on the bench that can also guard basically all positions like Smart can. Morris showed he can guard top guys with the defensive performance he had against Lebron in Game 1 of the ECF. Terry Rozier isn’t always great on defense but he is extremely athletic and pesky which will always make him dangerous on that end.

That’s just defensive versatility I’m talking about too. Defensive versatility doesn’t matter if you don’t have the offensive versatility to go along with it. Everyone in the Celtics starting lineup can create their own shot and score in multiple ways. They all hover around 40% from 3, 4 of the 5 are great passers (sorry Jaylen), and they can all attack the rim. The only team that exceeds the offensive versatility of our starting 5 is the Warriors and that is only if they have a healthy Boogie. Then you get to our bench and the pain isn’t over because Terry and Morris are exceptionally talented scorers for bench players. We also have Smart who is infamously bad at shooting but still gets hot from 3 at times and at least forces teams to respect his shot and close out on him unlike the Coward in Philadelphia. Theis was very skilled on offense last year by providing spacing and cleaning up on the offensive glass. He has a crafty game that translates well to today’s NBA. The rest of the bench isn’t as versatile on offense but that’s ok because I just listed a 9-man rotation of versatile offensive players and the remaining guys will only be brought in during the playoffs for certain situations. This team is going to be an absolute nightmare to defend and I can’t wait to watch.

Coaching

Last but certainly not least is our coach, our master, our President, my lord and savior Brad Stevens. I don’t care what anyone says he is the best coach in the league. Pop is still doing his thing with the Spurs but if you asked me to pick one coach for Game 7 of the 2019 NBA Finals I am picking Brad Stevens. He is just a beautiful basketball mind and it has been a treat to watch him develop this team into a contender. He takes zero credit for this team’s success even though he deserves a lot. The players love him since they respect his basketball IQ and he genuinely cares about their lives away from the court. He knows how to deal with this generation of players as well as anyone. Ever since he took Butler to back-to-back national championship games I have been in awe of his work. The way he utilizes his personnel to always have the right lineup on the court is brilliant, his ATO plays will make you think he is a time traveler, he always keeps his composure, and is very careful about when he blows up on the refs. Sometimes it feels like he was created in a lab to be the best damn basketball coach in history. The day he isn’t the Celtics coach is the day I go into a deep depression. Brad Stevens is the best coach in the league and a big reason why we are winning it all.

This was longer than expected but I needed to get my feelings on this team out there. If non-Celtics fans get wind of this I will catch some flak but I don’t care. Everyone talks about the big bad Warriors like they are unbeatable. They were down 3-2 to the Rockets last year until the Rockets lost their 2^nd best and most reliable player. The Celtics this year will be better than the Rockets were last year. The Celtics are going through the Eastern Conference which is tough enough to give us some good competition and practice, but it’s easy enough to make it to the Finals. The Warriors have to go through the gauntlet that is the Western Conference. They have serious injury history with 3 of their best players and I don’t root for injuries ever but it’d be foolish to not acknowledge that. I’m not even close to the first person to make this reference but to quote the American cinematic masterpiece Rocky 4 “he’s a man, not a machine, he’s a man!”. The Warriors are human, they can be beat. Last year they were cut, now it’s time to knock them out. You can call this article stupid and wishful thinking but if you read this whole thing and don’t think the Celtics have a puncher’s chance then you are in for a surprise.