The Definitive Best Basketball Movie Ranking

Whenever the subject of basketball movies comes up there is always a lot of debate about what is the best and what isn’t. There is a wide range of answers and it usually depends on what generation you are from. The olds love Hoosiers, the slightly less olds love White Men Can’t Jump/He Got Game, and the youngins love Space Jam. Well lucky for everyone I am finally here to settle this debate. Just a disclaimer, I have not seen Love & Basketball. I know people love that movie but it came out when I was like 3 and I just haven’t seen it since, besides that though I have seen basically every basketball movie.

5. Coach Carter

Coach Carter was the movie I always watched in the minivan on the way to basketball games and it is a very inspirational, true story. I will say: it’s annoying how this movie spawned a million coaches who made you bring your report cards to practice. But aside from that I have nothing but love for it. It’s basically just Samuel L Jackson being Samuel L Jackson but as a basketball coach at a tough inner city school, how could you not like that? The way he whips the team into shape and turns the team around in just a year is awesome and I loved his little family stories that were the reasoning behind the names of his plays. He also had his son on the team who he pushed harder than everyone else and I related to that so much being a coach’s son myself.

By the way, Channing Tatum was in this movie and I always forget that. It is very funny in retrospect. He played a big, skinhead-looking dummy.

4. Glory Road

In my opinion this is the most criminally underrated basketball/sports movie. There wasn’t any buzz about it when it came out and I don’t know a ton of people who have seen it. That doesn’t change the fact that it is one of the best basketball movies ever because it tells a great story. It’s about how Don Haskins fielded the first ever all-black starting lineup at Texas Western and then went on to win the National Championship over perennial powerhouse Kentucky and legendary coach/racist piece of shit Adolph Rupp. What these black players went through during their NCAA Tournament run, in the heat of the Civil Rights Movement, was just so brutal and it makes for a very compelling story. Josh Lucas is great as the young, progressive hardass Bob Haskins and Jon Voight does amazing at portraying that old bag of shit Adolph Rupp. You must watch this movie if you haven’t.

3. He Got Game

This would probably be some people’s best basketball movie and I don’t hate it. It does have the best actual basketball scenes due to Ray Allen being the star. Ray did a pretty good job acting for a college basketball player and him as Jesus Shuttlesworth has to be the most iconic basketball movie character ever. I still see Shuttlesworth jerseys to this day and I always saw them when he played for the Celtics. Denzel is great in this movie like he is in every other movie and we also see the emergence of the beautiful Rosario Dawson. It has a good amount of NBA cameos from guys like Rick Fox and Celtics legend Walter McCarty, and any movie that has Walter in it is good by me. It also shows the corrupt recruiting process and the pressures of being a top-flight basketball prospect. Spike Lee told probably the most realistic fictional basketball story you could tell.

2. Space Jam

I had a hard time not putting this number 1 because I have maybe seen this and Star Wars more than anything because I literally watched the VHS tapes every day as a kid. This is easily the biggest nostalgia movie for me. I remember this being my introduction to Michael Jordan and it fueled my love for basketball growing up. I could not comprehend that the best basketball player ever was also starring in a movie with Bugs Bunny, I thought that was amazing and it is.

Now lately there has been this sort of backlash that Space Jam isn’t good and the people that say that can go fuck themselves. They say it’s corny and not very well done and MJ’s acting is bad and blah blah blah blah. Um earth to Matilda, it’s a god damn movie about Michael Jordan teaming up with the Looney Tunes to play a basketball game against aliens that want to enslave them for amusement. This isn’t The Godfather, it’s a freaking children’s movie. Also I really don’t think MJ’s acting was that bad when you consider that he had to pretend a broomstick was Daffy Duck.

And one last thing I hate that copycat motherfucker Lebron James for making a sequel to what should be an untouchable classic. People are going to say he had the better Space Jam movie because Lebron stans are the worst and it is going to drive me insane.

1. White Men Can’t Jump

When I was growing up playing basketball and first watched this movie I thought it was the coolest shit ever. 2 guys just hustling people for money in basketball games, that was something my young brain couldn’t comprehend. Ever since I saw it I have dreamed of hustling people in pickup games and to this day I still dream about it despite being completely washed up. This is one of my favorite movies ever, and it may be my most rewatchable movie ever. It is so quotable and I always reference it in games and on Twitter. Billy Hoyle had game for days and watching his vicious cycle of financial highs and lows is highly entertaining, especially as a degenerate gambler myself. Sidney Dean is one of the most electric players of all time, I mean no player in history has that kind of showmanship. If you want to sell out your home games you want Sidney Dean on your team. “It’s pretty, it’s so pretty” is one of my favorite lines to drop when I’m watching or playing, and the way he constantly just roasts Billy throughout the movie is hilarious. The chemistry between Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson is perfect because it feels like two friends just constantly busting each other’s balls. Marques Johnson has one of my favorite NBA player cameos and plays a great psycho. Rosie Perez as Billy’s girlfriend Gloria is awesome and is a big reason why this is the best basketball movie ever. She makes it more than just a basketball movie and adds a whole other layer of entertainment with her Jeopardy storyline. Plain and simple you are missing out if you haven’t seen this.

Honorable Mention: Blue Chips

I am really mad at myself for not putting this on here but I don’t think it is better than the 5 movies above and I wasn’t about to do a 10 movie list because that’s when you start getting into movies that are just ok. But I had to mention Blue Chips just because it has the biggest NBA cameos in Shaq/Penny Hardaway, and Nick Nolte plays a perfect shady college basketball coach. It is sort of a caricature of college basketball culture and I like that a lot.

Dishonorable Mention: Hoosiers

I know I am going to get a bunch of people asking why I don’t have Hoosiers on here, and you want to know why? Because it fucking stinks. Hoosiers is so overrated and not even close to the best basketball movie. It is objectively competent by movie standards but it just doesn’t interest me at all. The best part about that movie is Dennis Hopper and that’s about it. A bunch of white guys in Indiana running the picket fence? I’ll pass.

2018-2019 Eastern Conference Preview

The 2018-2019 season marks a new era for the Eastern Conference: the Post-Lebron Era. He represented the East in the Finals from 2011-2018, but now that spot is up for grabs. It’s also a new era because the East seems to be getting better for the first time in years, even with Lebron’s move. The Celtics are the consensus favorite with the Sixers and Raptors right behind them in most people’s eyes. Then we get to other competitive teams like the Bucks & Pacers and the East is as top heavy as it has been in quite some time. Since the East is so tough now I’m going to rank the East teams from Most Dangerous to Least Dangerous. This isn’t a playoff seeding preview (if I nail them then it might be), it is more of a power ranking. So if you disagree with my rankings that’s ok, it’s all very subjective, just tweet at me what you think so we can talk about it. I write these to let people know my opinion on these topics and also so I can find out what others think. So without further ado let’s get to the most dangerous team.

Tier 1

1. Boston Celtics

This isn’t surprising to anyone, after all I am a Celtics fan. However, this has nothing to do with my Celtics fandom. They are clearly the most dangerous team in the East right now and it isn’t really close. Last year they took the 2nd best player of all time to 7 games in the Eastern Conference Finals and they did it without their two best players/scorers (Kyrie, Hayward). Now they add those 2 back to the squad which forms arguably the best/most well rounded starting lineup in the NBA. I don’t believe that’s just me being biased either. They have 4 starters that are versatile and pluses defensively, they have 4 starters that are talented passers, and all 5 of the starters hover around 50/40 shooting splits while being able to create their own shot at any time. No other team can say those things. All of that is impressive enough before we even get to the “Bench With Attitude” that’s led by Super Sixth Men Marcus Smart and Terry Rozier. If the Celtics don’t make the Finals this year it is a disappointment.

Tier 2

2. Toronto Raptors

To begin the second tier we have the Raptors and their newly acquired star Kawhi Leonard. Sixers fans will be mad at this but when aren’t they? The Raptors finished first in the East last year and then traded in DeRozan and Poeltl for Kawhi and Danny Green. To me that trade is a MASSIVE upgrade for the Raptors and I actually like DeRozan and Poeltl. It’s just that Kawhi, if he is back to himself, is a much better player than DeRozan and based off of preseason he does seem to be back to himself. He won a Finals MVP playing against Lebron James, he went supernova in the 2017 playoffs, and he has continually stepped up in big moment after big moment (unless Zaza Pachulia is there). DeRozan has never proved it in important games and it’s what has doomed the Raptors these past few years. Now they have a guy that can hopefully fix those problems, and they still have the deep rotation they had last year. With promising young prospects in Siakam, Anunoby, and Van Fleet the Raptors have a lot of depth and potential within that depth. Then in their starting lineup they have solid producers in Lowry, Ibaka, and Valuncunias and now they added Danny Green to that group. From top to bottom they are very skilled defensively and should rank top 5 in that area. They will need that to be the case because aside from Kawhi they don’t have too many shot creators.

3. Milwaukee Bucks

Now this is where Sixers fans really start to get mad. I completely understand how this may seem like a bold pick, after all the Bucks haven’t been higher than a 6 seed since 2001. HOWEVAH, the Bucks have also never had Giannis and Mike Budenholzer. In case you haven’t really watched the Bucks the last few years just know that their coaching was fucking horrendous. Jason Kidd kept doing remarkably stupid things that would cost them games, but now his reign of terror is finally over. Giannis and the rest of the squad can finally flourish under Bud. Bud was the coach of that Hawks team that got 60 wins and the 1 seed over Lebron with Paul Millsap and Al Horford as their best players. Those guys are good, but now Bud has Giannis and Middleton to work with which I would say is an upgrade. Bud is an offensive specialist that loves to space the floor and play up-tempo, that should fit in perfect with the personnel he has now. Giannis is really coming into his own as a drive and kick facilitator and Bud should find a way to enhance those skills while improving spacing along the perimeter with Middleton, Brogdon, Lopez, and others. Then when we get to the defensive side of the ball this team is filled with athletic defenders that should cause problems for opposing teams. Losing Jabari Parker is going to be a major “addition by subtraction” on the defensive end. My one concern for the Bucks is their depth. If they suffer some injuries then their depth will really start to hurt, but for now I think it is serviceable. Look for Giannis to win MVP or at least finish top 3 this year.

4. Philadelphia 76ers

Ok so if you’re a Sixers fan you probably are holding broken glass and your hand is bleeding but please calm down because this isn’t as bad as it seems. Like I said in the beginning this is the most dangerous teams list, not the best regular season team list. If I had to guess they will probably be a top 3 seed barring injuries, but I just don’t find them that dangerous. I don’t care what anyone says, Ben Simmons and the Philadelphia 76ers got exposed against the Boston Celtics in the Eastern Conference Semifinals. The 76ers came into the series as overwhelming favorites facing a team that was missing their two best players. Not only that but they also had a very banged up Jaylen Brown. Then that same Celtics team delivered the Sixers a 4-1 series L because Ben Simmons can’t shoot a 3 pointer. The Celtics sagged off of him when he was on the perimeter and instead closed down on passing lanes. It made Simmons a major non-factor and forced them to rely on Embiid chucking up inefficient low-post shots. I would love to give the Sixers the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this issue but as you can see from the picture above it isn’t changing anytime soon. Ben Simmons is a coward that refuses to shoot 3 pointers, he won’t even practice them. That means the fatal flaw that plagued them in the playoffs will only continue to plague them. So Sixers fans enjoy your possible top 3 seed in the regular season because when it comes to the playoffs you scare me as much as Ben Simmons behind the 3 point line.

5. Indiana Pacers

I really had to restrain myself from putting the Pacers above the Sixers but I needed to maintain some veil of objectivity. The Pacers are the last team in the first 2 tiers and it’s because I think they are one of the 5 truly dangerous teams in the East. Tier 2 overall is a giant toss-up that depends on injuries and who lives up to potential, so the Pacers have just as good of a chance at the 3 seed as they do the 5 seed. This Pacers team showed a lot of promise last year being led by breakout 2-way stud Victor Oladipo. They had some good pieces around him too such as Myles Turner, Bogdanovic, Sabonis, Thad Young, and Darren Collison, and they also have a competent coach in Nate McMillan. For this year they had some big free agent additions in Tyreke Evans and Doug McDermott. Now some think they may have overpaid for these guys but nevertheless they are valuable additions that will help bolster the Pacers’ depth. Depth is the one thing the Pacers struggled with at times last year and now that should be fixed. I also expect Oladipo to improve once again offensively and remain an All-NBA caliber player.

Tier 3

6. Miami Heat

To start off the 3rd tier we have the Miami Heat led by Coach Spoelstra. Now I might have the Heat here anyways, but I am doing this assuming that they trade for Jimmy Butler. So far all indications point to that so I’m just going to run with it. You could argue that based off that they should be in the 2nd tier but I am going to have to wait and see them earn it first. Presuming they trade Josh Richardson for Jimmy the Heat are left with prospsects Bam Adebayo and Josh Winslow and veterans Goran Dragic, James Johnson, Dwyane Wade, Kelly Olynyk, Dion Waiters, and (sigh) Hassan Whiteside. When you add in Jimmy Butler to that group of names it is actually a pretty decent 8 man rotation and then they have some other role players after that. The reason I have them ahead of teams like the Wizards and Pistons is coaching. Coach Spo is one of the best coaches in the league and he always gets the best out of his talent. This year he might have the best talent he’s had since Lebron so I expect him to do well with it. If there is anyone who can manage Jimmy Butler’s ego it is Pat Riley and Coach Spo so I expect them to be the best of Tier 3 and probably even jump up into Tier 2.

7. Washington Wizards

(The only known photograph of John Wall and Bradley Beal getting along)

The Wizards are going to be a delight to watch this season and for all the wrong reasons. There is constant strife between John Wall and Bradley Beal and now they have added the least likable player in the world, Dwight Howard, to that mix. The Wizards are already the most dysfunctional locker-room in the league and they have now added the man that tore apart every single locker-room he has been in. Not only did they add that asshole Dwight but they also added AustinRiversFromNepotism, who guys around the league also hate. Honestly if everyone stays alive on the Wizards then the season will be a success. But as far as basketball goes the Wizards aren’t that bad. Dwight may be an asshole but he is actually still a very productive player and Austin Rivers is also an asshole but he is still the best bench player the Wiz have had in quite some time. If they aren’t as dysfunctional as I think then they probably could finish higher, but I just don’t see how they aren’t the NBA version of the Bluth family this year.

8. Charlotte Hornets

Now I may just be getting a case of preseason fever but the Hornets really impressed from what I saw of them against my Celtics. Under new coach James Borrego they seem to be clicking offensively and practicing great ball movement. He is a Popovich disciple and should help bring a little bit of that Spurs flare to Charlotte. To aid him in the beginning of his head coaching career the Hornets have added veteran Tony Parker to hold the bench down. That should be a very good addition so long as he keeps his dick to himself. They also had two of my favorite steals of the 2018 draft in Miles Bridges and Devonte Graham. Bridges is a stud two way player that should help the Hornets immediately and Graham was a stud 4-year college player that should be a good depth guard for the Hornets. Along with those moves they also added Bismack Byombo to improve the second unit as well as being an insurance option for the oft-injured Cody Zeller. Then obviously the Hornets still have their star Kemba and their 2nd option Batum. I expect those 2, and the team as a whole, to flourish under Borrego in his first season.

9. Cleveland Cavaliers

I have the Cavs right there with the Hornets in Tier 3. Now obviously they did lose Lebron, some would argue that’s kind of a big deal, but I really don’t think it knocks them out of relevance in the East. They still have Kevin Love who should see usage that compares more to his Minnesota days and less to his days as Lebron’s hostage. I know people like to make fun of Kevin Love but with the right usage he is one of the best players in the conference and should put up numbers that match that statement. Then the Cavs added high-motor rookie Collin Sexton who has come into this league and life with an ambitious attitude. I really like his game and my one concern for him (shooting) seems to be better than I had expected. Now the rest of the Cavs roster isn’t that great in my opinion but they do have guys with potential. Most NBA fans, including myself, have written off Jordan Clarkson and Rodney Hood but they are still young, offensive-minded players with some potential to be better. If the Cavs were in the West they’d easily be one of the bottom teams in the conference but they are in the East where they should compete.

10. Detroit Pistons

I just am not high on the Pistons this year, they don’t excite me whatsoever. That’s kind of what happens when your team is headlined by Andre Drummond and Blake Griffin and also coached by Stan Van Gundy in the year 2018. I just looked at their roster on NBA.com and wanted to puke. I really don’t have much to say on them. I guess they can make the playoffs since they have Blake and Drummond but they won’t do much when they get there.

Tier “They Won’t Be Terrible”

Orlando Magic, Brooklyn Nets, Chicago Bulls

This tier is pretty self-explanatory. I think these teams aren’t going to be terrible but they also won’t be all that good. The Magic are filled with young, athletic, two-way players but they will struggle to score. The Bulls are the opposite because they will score but potentially stink on defense. The Nets are filled with good to average talent and should be able to compete with a lot of teams. There is no way any of these teams make the playoffs but they should be exciting to watch on League Pass.

Tier “Cold McDonalds”

New York Knicks, Atlanta Hawks

The only way to describe these last 2 teams is “Cold McDonalds” like my close personal friend Ice T would. These teams are wack, plain and simple. They are both extremely young squads without a true star (that’s right Knicks fans Porzingis isn’t a star). Also both teams just got new head coaches which means it will take some time for culture to be established and rapports to be formed. I actually like the prospects on each of these teams but the problem is that all they have are prospects. If you want to be good in the NBA you need some solid vets and these teams just do not have that.

Week 2 NFL Picks

We are finally entering the best time of the year. It’s the first weekend of full College Football and NFL slates. It is a grueling 36 hours that can break the will of any gambler. It can exacerbate your Sunday Scaries or it can have you puffing your chest out, but either way it is this roller coaster of emotions that makes us gamble. Experiencing the Josh Gordon-like highs and the Nathan Peterman-like lows are why we do this but lucky for you I am here to just give you the Josh Gordons. Week 2 of the NFL provides great opportunities for gamblers if you play your cards right. There is typically overreaction from the public on most teams after Week 1 so fading public favorites is highly profitable. This is supported by Week 2 NFL trends dating back to the 80’s so we are going to target some of those games this week. I typically end up betting most of the games but I am going to give the ones I feel strongest about to you fine people.

Chiefs at Steelers (-5) 1:00 P.M.

Listen, I hate to do this since I am a big Patrick Mahomes fan and I think the Chiefs are legit this year, but they are absolutely adored by the public this week. As I said before public favorites fare terribly in Week 2 and they have about 70% of bets which indicates a lot of public action on them. They had an embarrassing game against the Browns in Week 1 and should be looking to bounce back big at home.

Pick: Steelers -5 (1 slice)

Vikings at Packers (pick em) 1:00 P.M.

The big question mark concerning bettors in this one is the status of Aaron Rodgers. Frankly I don’t care about that since the Vikings look legit and I already took them as a pick em. If Rodgers does play they are going to pressure the crap out of him and either he won’t be able to do much or he will just make his injury worse. Then obviously if he doesn’t play you can count that as an automatic win. Hammer the Vikings in this one, Rodgers isn’t pulling a rabbit out of his ass against elite defenses two weeks in a row.

Pick: Vikings Pick Em (3 slices)

Eagles (-3) at Buccaneers 1:00 P.M.

The Buccaneers stunned everyone in the Super Dome last week by drowning the Saints in Fitzmagic’s holy water. Meanwhile the Eagles edged out a win against the Falcons looking pretty average on offense. The public thinks the Buccaneers are a new team with Fitzpatrick at the helm but they will be in for a rude awakening when they go up against this loaded Eagles defense. I also expect Foles to get clicking more this game so Fly Eagles Fly baby.

Pick: Eagles -3 (2 slices)

Browns at Saints (-9) 1:00 P.M.

As I mentioned in the last pick the Saints got demolished last week. The Browns scraped together a tie which is a win for them. I thought the public might be on the Browns since they look like a new team, but they must be low on Tyrod Taylor and high on the Saints redemption narrative since the Saints are getting 66% of the bets. I like the Saints to win this one but I think the Browns solid defense along with my expected improvements from Tyrod will enable the Browns to cover. Sprinkle a little on the Browns.

Pick: Browns +9 (1 slice)

Lock of the Week

Pats -1 at Jaguars 4:05 P.M.

This is the clear game of the week and a rematch of the AFC Championship. The Jags defense looks really good again and the offense looked serviceable. The Pats offense seemed to be clicking last week aside from a few turnovers and the defense impressed me. Leonard Fournette is questionable for this one which is kind of a big deal since the Pats defense struggles to stop the run more than anything else. If he plays and isn’t a shell of himself then I think the Jags have some chance of winning. But the Pats simply do not lose to AFC South teams. They are 21-0 ATS against the division since 2004. Because of that reason and the cloud over Fournette’s head I am pounding the New England Brady’s like a ZooMass student pounds Natty Light.

Pick: Pats -1 (5 slices)