A beautiful summer sunset. A magnificent Aurora Borealis. A Nazi getting punched in the face. The Lakers getting viciously owned. These are all things that bring me great joy when I see them. To put it simply: Lakers fans are just the worst and life is better when they suffer. That’s what makes tonight’s events so delicious.
People think this is all about the Lakers missing out on Kawhi, but that’s just a small factor in this hilarious equation. Lakers fans and their front office have been running their mouth forever about how every single superstar is going to sign there. And not only that, they’ve had their targets set on LA-natives Kawhi Leonard and Paul George for years.
The hubris and arrogance displayed by their fans was sickening. I’m too lazy to go search every Lakers fans tweet history about acquiring these 2 guys but I assure you there is a goldmine of entitled-trust-fund-baby sounding tweets about them becoming Lakers. They attacked the credibility of established and respected reporters like Woj while taking the word of fans with sauces like Arye Abraham as gospel. I can go on and on about how they are basically the scientology of NBA teams but that would take hours, the point is they are evil. And you rarely see good triumph over evil, but it’s exactly what we saw tonight.
Kawhi Leonard waited until July 6th at 2 in the morning to inform everyone he was headed to the Clippers. The “official” start date of Free Agency was June 30th at 6 P.M. Almost every notable NBA player ignored that timeline and had an idea of where they were going before then, and then made it official as soon as Free Agency started, if not within a day or two. But Kawhi waited over 6 days. He teased the Lakers like they were some horny guy watching camgirls. All the important Free Agents signed while Kawhi and Uncle Dennis took their time and enjoyed the holiday.
Then that good triumphing over evil thing I talked about actually happened. Kawhi informed the Lakers that he would be going to Los Angeles, just that he’d be moving in across the hall with the Clippers. And not only that, but he’s bringing the other LA-native that the Lakers have wanted for so long with him. Him and Paul George joined the Lakers inter-city rival and made the Lakers the 2nd best team in their own building. A team that was once proclaimed the Showtime Lakers and basketball royalty doesn’t even have the spotlight in their own zip code. They were cucked by an expansion team. A team that has known nothing but failure until recently. And it gets even better. The man that orchestrated it all was Lakers legend Jerry West. The god damn Logo. He won 1 NBA Finals in 9 appearances for them and now might give their next door neighbor multiple championships. No matter how much Lakers fans claim they are not mad and actually laughing with their hot wife they got posterized to the highest degree. This is something that barely ever happens. Usually evil forces prevail, but not this time. This time we feast on the tears of all Lakers fans and look back at their psychotic antics. 
The Wise Guy 